


Late Night Thoughts

by get_molotoved_you_assbutt



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Cas has a girlfriend, Dean Winchester Has a Crush on Castiel, Jealous Dean Winchester, Kinda?, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love, if you cock your head and squint at it?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-02-07 13:44:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18621823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/get_molotoved_you_assbutt/pseuds/get_molotoved_you_assbutt
Summary: Dean lies in his room and thinks about Cas.





	Late Night Thoughts

Dean lies alone in his bed, the silence of the room almost suffocating. He can’t stop thinking about him, Cas, his dorky best friend in a trench coat.

Last week they’d talked, had what Dean would have called a chick-flick moment. Cas had sat down with him, and they’d had a surprisingly deep conversation about Cas’s family and the way he’d been raised. Cas then told Dean that he was gay, and he shared some of his fears and his hopes about his family and the future.  
On one hand, this revelation had saddened Dean. He’d known Cas’s parents were religious, but he hadn’t known how strictly, and for half the conversation he’d just wanted to reach out to Cas and try to make the pain go away. It wasn’t fair that Cas was afraid to be who he was around his family.

On the other hand, though, their talk had elated Dean. The idea that his friend trusted him enough to talk to him about his sexuality, something that was obviously difficult for him and something Dean hadn’t had the balls to talk about with anyone, in depth at least. 

But it had kicked something into gear in his mind, too. He liked Cas. A lot. He liked talking to Cas, eating with Cas, seeing Cas smile, coaxing Cas to laugh. He liked existing around Cas. 

Any time Cas was upset, Dean wanted to bundle him up into a hug and hold him close to soothe all his worries. Anytime Cas made new friends Dean would feel an unwarranted stab of, what, envy? Jealousy? Something like that. Something he was pretty sure he shouldn’t be feeling.

But it did worry him. Cas was a great guy, why would he stick around with Dean, honestly Dean had been expecting for ages that Cas would just get tired of him, or spot his failures, or finally see him for the stupid little nobody he is and just walk out. 

But Cas hadn’t walked out, yet. He was still there, still talked to Dean, still wanted Dean’s company, he thinks. And all Dean could think about is loving Cas.  
Dean saw Cas in his mind's eye - tall, muscular, messy dark hair, face that was usually lit up with passion - and he found himself in love.

At least it might be love. There were times when all Dean could think was “Yes. This is it. This is what love feels like.” and there were times when he caught these feelings and began to berate himself for romanticising what was probably just a normal friendship.

Cas had made a passing comment, something about the was Dean was so attracted to him, how could he not be?! A joke that Dean had laughed about at the time, but his brain had run away with it later. 

What if it were true part of him whispered What if Cas is hiding his real feelings behind jokes like you’ve done so many times. What if Cas secretly loves you?  
But no.

Cas had a girlfriend, and Dean knew Cas well enough to know that Cas wasn’t the type to let his mind wander. 

Dean didn’t like Cas’s girlfriend all that much. They were acquaintances, and never especially hostile towards each other, but Dean just wasn’t overly fond of her. Perhaps it was because Cas sometimes vented to him about their relationship, and she had done a few things that had annoyed Dean, things which Cas had just seemed to brush off. But Dean didn’t want to play homewrecker, even if the idea did float through his head every now and again. So, he left most of his opinions locked away inside himself, never voicing the idea that the two should break up, even though Cas was the kind of person to say yes to a relationship and then feel too bad to get himself out of it. Dean knew that feeling from experience. 

But as he lay in the suffocating silence the thought came to him again and again; If I asked him to date me, if he’s ever single, would he say yes?  
Would he say yes, and would they date and progress and marry and live happily? Would they date and marry, and then would Cas find someone else, so much more worthy than Dean, and leave him? Would they date and fall out so badly that neither would talk to the other again? Dean felt his heart wrench at the thought. Would Dean ask and have Cas accept because he didn’t want to hurt Dean’s feelings despite feeling nothing for Dean? Would he trap Cas in a relationship? Or guilt him into it? Dean’s squirmed as phantom guilt settled in his gut.

Would Dean ask and watch as panic spread across Cas’s face, panic which would turn to disgust at the mere thought of dating Dean? Would Dean watch as Cas rejected him and began to distance himself from Dean, not talking to him, finding more and more excuses not to meet up with him? Dean felt tears begin to prick at the corner of his eye. How would Dean fuck up their relationship, because undoubtedly, he would. Or would he just fuck up their friendship with four words?

No.

He wouldn’t do any of that.

Dean would keep quiet. 

He would be there for his best friend, through thick and thin, he would support him in any way he could. And Dean would repress the urge to take Cas by the hand, hold him close, and press their lips together. 

Dean stared out into the silence and felt tears slip down his cheeks.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed that! Maybe enjoyed isn't the right word... What is the word for enjoying reading angst? Enj-ow? Appreci-oof? I'm not sure!
> 
> Anyway, feel free to leave me a comment and tell me what you thought or give me any writing advice (goodness knows I need it!) 
> 
> Also, come say hi to me on tumblr! (@get-molotoved-you-assbutt)
> 
> Stay cool! 💙


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